Bits & Pieces

As of yesterday, I’m ahead of schedule with the completion of my garden clean up & annual planting. When I got off work yesterday, I planted 6 gerbera daisies, 3 torch lilies, 2 hen & chicks, 1 elephant ear, 12 caladium bulbs, put together 3 planter boxes & spread 24 cubic feet of cypress mulch. Basically, I worked like a Hebrew slave for 3 hours.

All that I have left to do is plant 30 gladiolus bulbs & spread a little more mulch & this means that I will have a relaxing but exciting 3-day weekend.

My weekend actually started yesterday after all of my garden work & attending Olivia’s school play. After the play & dinner, Olivia & I went to see the new Indiana Jones movie “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”, which was fucking awesome. When it comes out on DVD, I will purchase all 4 films in the franchise. “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” has been getting some mixed reviews but I loved it. For me it was like an updated version of what I knew growing up. All of the action, dumb one-liners & interesting plots gave me what I needed to be fully satisfied.

Since I am on the topic of movies, I recently saw two other great movies that are worth checking out, “The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian” & “Iron Man”. The newest installment of the Narnia franchise is good but not as awesome as the first and it is much more violent & IMHO even more violent than “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”. If you check it out, I would not take kids under 12 & if you do see it, rent the first one so you can be up to speed.

“Iron Man” was fucking awesome & it will be in my DVD collection as soon as it drops. It is totally a man’s movie: action, sex, speed, bravado, back stabbing, shit blowing up, etc… I wish it was in iMax, that would taken it over the top. And last on the movie note, Monday, I think we are doing a family movie date to see “Speed Racer”. I’m not all that thrilled about seeing it but the kids are harassing us.

Back to my weekend! So tomorrow, I am I am getting my hair color touched up for the summer & by 3pm tomorrow I will have my look back together. Mary Henderson @ the Meagan Mitchell Salon in Ferndale, MI is the shit!!! She is quick & really knows her stuff, which makes it so worth the money.

After I get my red hot look back in place, I will be making my way downtown Detroit for the “Detroit Electronic Music Festival” (DEMF) for a photo journey adventure with Cousin Dee (also a photographer). Over the last 2 weeks, I was trying to land a press pass, but shit was tight & I was not able to make it happen, so I gave up & just said fuck it, it will be worth the 25 bucks. Flashback::::::::: Monday, I got an email from my girl & Nicole Brown of the Detroit Fashion Pages who wanted to interview me & get my thoughts on what the DEMF means to me & the city. It was a good interview & I certainly had an opinion (imagine that). OK, flashforward::::::::: today I get a call from Nicole.

Phone Rings: Hmmm, it’s Nicole

Bygbaby: Hey Boo (why is everybody's my boo???)
Nicole: Heyyyyy

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
...Small talk...

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Nicole: Guess what?
Bygbaby: What?
Nicole: I scored 2 VIP tix for the DEMF.
Bygbaby: Wow, that’s awesome!!! (Can you say 175 a piece)!
Nicole: Would you like one?
Bygbaby: Hell yeah!!!
Nicole: When will you be in Detroit?
Bygbaby: Tomorrow around 330ish.
Nicole: Cool, then call me when you make it & I can meet you to give you the pass.
Bygbaby: Bet, talk to you tomorrow!

I then hang up & scream YESSSSSS inside my head. I was just on the DEMF Myspace page & looked at the VIP package & was like, I wish I had it going on like that to just drop 175 bucks on something not family, flower or camera related.

The VIP ticket comes with:
- 3 day admittance
- Private check-in area to receive your credentials

- Access to large area above and behind the main stage

- Private bar - 15 complimentary drink tickets - $5 drinks available when you run out of tickets

- Deluxe private executive bathroom trailers

- Complimentary Movement T-shirt ($20 value) from the Movement store

I am super excited. Now I just have to figure out how to share this with Cousin Dee. I will figure something out; I always do.

After the DEMF (around midnight), Cousin Dee & I are heading to the Northland Roller Rink for Kenny Dixon’s (aKa MoodyMann) Soul Skate. And no, I will not be skating! I am not trying to fuck my ankle back up. We will be people watching, photographing & talking shit with party people friends (not real friends, just friends we meet out & about). Anyway, this is a DEMF weekend must attend party because you never know who will be there & what will jump off!

After some sleep, Sunday breakfast & house cleaning, I will be headed back to Detroit to attend my good friend Dahia Shabaka’s retirement party at the Charles H Wright AA History Museum. Dahia is a real inspiration to me & helped me look at my Blackness in a new & educated light. We have only known each other for a little over three years but it has been a good friendship.

Last year, when I started getting very close to making the decision to change my name, she guided me & helped me understand what I would be going through, legally, mentally & with family & friends. For that I am forever indebted.

After the celebration, I will be headed back to the DEMF to see Mark Farina perform & I am really looking forward to that. I hope to be home by 12ish cause I gotta get my ass up on Monday to help clean up, finish the garden work & season the chicken for out chicken & waffles dinner.

Now that I look back on my schedule, seeing “Speed Racer” is going to be tight. Maybe we can catch the early show on Sunday.

Anyway, back to gardening, here are a few shots from the last couple of days.

Have a safe weekend!

Friends: How Many of us Have Them

The post title is inspired by Whodini's “Friends” cut from back in the day, which appeared on their Escape album.

"We like to be with some, because they're funny
Others come around when they need some money
Some you grew up with, around the way
And you're still real close too this very day

Homeboys through the Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall
And then there's some we wish we never knew at all
And this list goes on, again and again
But these are the people that we call friends"

We all know that money cannot buy love, but what I have found out lately is that money sure can buy friends.

Here is my latest new little friend that I found at the Ann Arbor Artesian Market.

I asked the kids to name her & Sade came up with Cheeka, so that is what we are rolling with.

Cheeka is made of a gooseneck gourd, prairie chicken feathers gold macaw feathers.

Don't ask why Cheeka has no mouth or nose.

Speaking of friends, Suite Suzy & I were talking this weekend over dinner & she mentioned that a few of my “friends” mentioned to her that they were uncomfortable with my name change & could not or rather would not respect it. Then she asked me f I cared; I responded with a big NO, because it shows me that they are not real friends anyway.

Real friends roll with the punches & can keep it real with “you”.

Anyway, let me get off soapbox cause I know my cyber space friends are feeling me.

A Change is Gonna Come. No Wait; It Already Happened

You may have noticed that I updated the name of my blog & added a subtitle. I had been considering it for a while & the thought was also inspired by virtual conversations with my photographer homegirl DCSaavy. So during the some downtime today, I decided to make a move. To be brutally honest, I finalized the thought while washing a sink full of nasty dishes.

Since my life seems centered around capturing the environment around me through photography I came up with "Life Through Ebony Colored Lenses".

Just though I would clue you in because I know you care about my every move & fucked up thought.

Last night while at Detroit's Peck Park, I caught this little boy young man playing hide & go seek with friends & I could not resist this shot in the dark.

My Name Is...

I spotted these really cool my name is tags @ the 2007 Detroit Urban Craft Fair on many of the workers & just had to have one for myself. I found out that Amy Cronkite a local artist/crafter designed these especially for DUCF staff. So I kinda begged her to make me a few. A few weeks later, my narcissistic fantasy became reality & I now have my own personal my name is tags.

The tags are made of shrinky dink material & she hand writes the name. If you like these, they are only 5 bucks so check Amy on her blog @ Make Out Goods

Amy thanks, you are my new B.F.F!!!

What about this Love

The title of this post is inspired by one of my favorite House-Jazz jams by Mr. Fingers “What about this Love.” The song deals with the hurt of a man caused by the woman he loved.

“What about this love
Girl please don’t turn you back on me
What about our promise to each other
When times got rough you would not flee

It seems it was all in vain
Cause now all I have is pain
Thinking why I tried so hard
And you now you just disregard what we ever had…”

As I type this post I am on the brink of shedding tears & I hope by the time I am complete they will have dried up & I am in a better place.

It has now been officially been 6 months since I freed myself from the bondage of my former name & since then I have had some really great support from friends especially virtual friends & strangers & family.

On the flip side, I have had some really horrible reactions from people that have surprised & actually hurt me, which really made me evaluate the value of the relationships that I had with certain people.

In the last 6 months since my name change I have lost 1 good friend because she could not handle my name, which I am now over. Her problem not mine right. The one relationship that has suffered because of my name change was the one with Suite Suzy.

Since the name change I have received a very poor reaction from the woman that had my two children & committed to love & be my boo me forever 8 years.

I have heard things like:

• That is a stupid decision; you are ruining your life
  
• So do you consider yourself the King of Zimunda now
  
• I married Brian & I cannot call you that because you are no longer the man I married
  
• Why couldn’t you have chosen a different name, and the meaning of your name does not fit you, who do you think you are
  
• You are embarrassing me & our family
  
• My friends & others are laughing at you, while you think you are being cute
  
• You changed your name to drive a wedge into our relationship & to hurt me
  

With all of the above said, Suite Suzy refuses to acknowledge me during discussions, she now refers to my as “her husband” when she is mentioning me during conversation with others etc. Over the last few months I have grown accustom to this & have responded back by not responding when she tries to get my attention when she says “hey, you hungry, hey, can you change the babies diaper etc. Before it used to be Brian this, Brian that so now I am reduced to "Hey".

"Hey" is not my name.

Basically my self-cultural awareness & love have become too much of a change for Suite Suzy to handle. She has said, that I should have essentially talked out my decision to change “my” name with her & “maybe” she would feel differently. At this point that is water under the bridge & I have felt like if we did have this comprehensive discussion about a change that impacts my identity & she still had negative thoughts about it, I still would have moved forward because I am ultimately responsible for my person/my happiness & my well being. This is not to say that I discount input, but the bottom line lies with me.

We have had some knock out arguments over the topic & about 2 months ago I actually did break down & cried like a bitch because of her opinion. During this time she attempted to console me but I felt like it was too little too late, the woman that I love no longer loves the whole me. What is a Nigga to do.

Things kinda came to another head today when at her company picnic as she introduced the family, each kid by name but as she round to me, she stated “and this is my husband” leaving me to formally introduce myself. This happened 3 times & I have to admit, I was embarrassed. Damn are you that ashamed of me? The last time, I told the woman in our presence that she refuses to say my name in a friendly but spicy way & then Suite Suzy chimed in to say that’s not who I married.

It was right about this point that I decided to leave the picnic. While I as leaving she asked me what was going on & could I stay to at least help watch the kids to which I responded, “why don’t you call the man you married, the one you love”. Minutes later I was in my car headed home wondering, what was happening to this love.

Since I have left Suite Suzy has called my I don’t know how many times telling me that she loves me etc, trying to smooth things over but I’m too hurt to feel it now.

My name is not changing and neither is my mindset, Tafari is here to stay but part of me is questioning the inner Tafari if he is the cause of this turbulence, & if so what can he do to stop it. I am dealing with so many unknowns & emotions on a frequent enough basis that I am not sure where this love is going. I sincerely want it to remain but it is hard when you are dealing with the pain of 2 people.

Sunday, we are supposed to take a family trip to NYC for a couple of days & right now I am out of mental & emotional energy, I'm not even sure if I want to still go.

In the words of my boy Anthony Hamilton "I'm a mess right now"

Tafari

Say My Mutha Fuckin' Name

My hearing was today so that means that my little legal journey is now over & I am officially living my life as Tafari K. Stevenson-Howard.

The hearing only lasted 5 minutes (when they called my name) & it was not intense at all. All the judge asked me was, why am I changing my name & if my name change was an attempt to defraud creditors (I wish I could, shit!). Ten minutes later, I had my official freed slave papers to carry around to prove to the world who I’s is.

My first stop to prove my “freedom” was the Social Security office, which went smoothly. Tomorrow I will tackle the Secretary of State (DMV) after work & before the movies.

The Cost of my Freedom ::Revised::

$274.67 is the price of my freedom
-----------------------------------------------------------
$161.00 - Legal filing with Washtenaw County Court
$20.00 - Finger prints from Ann Arbor Police Dept
$55.00 - Finger print check by Michigan State Police & FBI
$38.67 - Publication of Notice of hearing in the Ann Arbor News
-----------------------------------------------------------
Today I completed the last process step in my name change, which was placing a public notice in my local newspaper. The announcement will be in tomorrow’s news & I am kinda nervous to see it in black & white as this makes it very real for the world to see (if they haven’t read my Blog).

Yesterday I called the A2 News (A2 is short for Ann Arbor) & talked to a woman by the name of Ebony who answered all of my questions about placing my ad. She was very helpful then I threw her off a bit when I asked what forms of payments they took, and Ebony informed me that I could pay by cash, check or credit. So just to fuck with her, I asked if I could use a money order or bridge card (used in Michigan instead of food stamps), she then laughed & said that those would not work then conversation ended with a mutual chuckle.

So today I made my way to the A2 News to place my ad & Ebony was at the front desk. She asked to help me so I stated my business & reminded her of the brief conversation from yesterday, she laughed & said that if I really had a bridge card could I hook her up because she needed some groceries & I busted out laughing. While still laughing I handed her my court document & had a seat while she entered my info. Ten minutes later she called me back up to the desk & gave me a proof then I shelled out my $38.67.

While Ebony handed me my receipt she thanked me & congratulated me on my name change. I was kinda taken aback & she noticed so she said that this is major & kudos were in order. I then thought about how my friends are telling me that my name change is so major & even drastic but I guess I did not think that it was such a huge deal. So I guess now that it will be in black & white it really is a big deal.

Before I left the office of the A2 news I told the Afroed & informed Ebony that my paying to change my own name legitimately is like buying my freedom from my slave-master much like Lunsford Lane. At this we both laughed but we knew that this statement was so true.

After I got into my car, which was headed to Burger King for a #1 with cheese, no tomato, ketchup or pickle plus mustard cut in half with a Dr. Pepper, I called my Best Friend Brion (BFB) to let him know my progress. During our conversation I asked him (asked) if my name change was major & he basically said "hell yeah", I then asked him if he considered me to be an extreme person & he quickly said without a doubt & I should already know that; your name change says it all; at this point we both laughed.

My question was stupid because like BFB said, I already knew, I guess it is the inner narcissist in me that made me ask.

My final step in this quicker than expected extreme process is to go to my court date scheduled for March 6th @ 3pm.

Its on & Poppin’,
Tafari

-----------------------------------------------------------
Slave Narrative of Lunsford Lane:

Lunsford Lane, who grew up on a plantation near Raleigh, North Carolina, manufactured pipes and tobacco and succeeded in saving enough money to buy his own freedom and purchase his wife and seven children. Here, he describes his experiences as a slave child.

My father was a slave to a near neighbor. The apartment where I was born and where I spent my childhood and youth was called "the kitchen," situated some fifteen or twenty rods from the "great house." Here the house servants lodged and lived, and here the meals were prepared for the people in the mansion....

My infancy was spent upon the floor, in a rough cradle, or sometimes in my mother's arms. My early boyhood in playing with the other boys and girls, colored and white, in the yard, and occasionally doing such little matters of labor as one of so young years could. I knew no difference between myself and the white children; nor did they seem to know any in turn. Sometimes my master would come out and give a biscuit to me, and another to one of his own white boys; but I did not perceive the difference between us. I had no brothers or sisters, but there were other colored families living in the same kitchen, and the children playing in the same yard with me and my mother.....

When I began to work, I discovered the difference between myself and my master's white children. They began to order me about, and were told to do so by my master and mistress. I found, too, that they had learned to read, while I was not permitted to have a book in my hand. To be in possession of anything written or printed, was regarded as an offence. And then there was the fear that I might be sold away from those who were dear to me, and conveyed to the far South. I had learned that being a slave I was subject to the worst (to us) of all calamities; and I knew of others in similar situations to myself, thus sold away. My friends were not numerous; but in proportion as they were few they were dear; and the thought that I might be separated from them forever, was like that of having the heart wrenched from its socket; while the idea of being conveyed to the far South, seemed infinitely worse than the terrors of death.

Source: The Narrative of Lunsford Lane (Boston, 1842)

Making a Change

In my “Live it Everyday” everyday post, I mentioned that I chose the African name Tafari for myself during a Kwanzaa event that I planned for the kids+ last month. Well after some very heavy hearted contemplation I decided to fully accept the name & replace my given name “Brian”.

For the last year + changing my name has been something on my mind to do and discussed with Suite Suzy but I was not really moved to do so after trying to find a fitting name that truly inspired me until late last month.

The name Tafari, really stayed penetrated my heart day by day & last Friday 01/05/07, I decided that this was the day that I would carry the name forever.

Because I was nervous big time about this big decision, I called one of my good friends and sheroes Dahia for guidance based on her experience. She basically said Tafari, now is the time so just do it! She told me that some would trip but I needed to stay strong & steadfast with my decision to do something that affected my cultural/mental/social well being positively. So after we hung up the phone it was mos def on.

I called Cousin Dee to discuss it with her & she was digging the change and understood where I was coming from & told me she was down with me no matter what. I then call Best Friend Brion & confirmed with him that I was going for it & he too was very supportive but told me that he was going to call me T-Bone then I cussed him out. BFB & I discussed this earlier in the week so he already knew what may be coming. During our initial conversation about this he asked me how the person how gave me my name would feel about it; assuming my Mama named me. I informed him that my father actually named me & that he had been dead for 5 years so I could not get his input for sometime to come when we meet at the cross roads, where a possible bitch slap may be involved.

I then told Suite Suzy and then things got interesting. She told me that she did not agree with it but she would be supportive. I was not surprised by her reaction but it was somewhat cold & expected but that has not deterred me because we have opinions & that’s where respect comes in.

Last but certainly not least, I finally got in touch with Mama after leaving a message. I told her about my decision & she asked me if I was tired of my slave name & we both cracked up laughing at that. Then she told me that she really never liked my name in the 1st place. She wanted to name me Robert Lewis and my father was bent on naming my Brian Keith so that is what she rolled with.

Now 32 years later the script has flipped & I am running my naming decision!!! LOL

So after all of the most important people were in the know I sent a notice out to all of my friends & family which read:

“Dear Family & Friends,

I am announcing that I have made the decision to change my first name, which has been something on my mind for quite a while. I have taken an African name to further celebrate and honor my African heritage, which is very important to me. With this said, my new name is Tafari, which is an Ethiopian name and means “he who inspires awe”.

Thanks and I appreciate your support!

Tafari K. Stevenson-Howard”
-----------------------------------------------------------
Back to me:

With this now totally out there, I am still a little nervous but excited. I received several responses back so far with love, support & kudos just like I did when I passively mentioned it here recently.

During my lunch break today 01/09/07 I ran to the county court to get the information so that I can do this legally & the process looks like it will take at least 3-4 months & cost me a little over 200 bucks, but it is well worth it & I am going to make this shit happen!

So that we are all on the same page & you don't get it twisted; my alter ego/personality Bygbaby has gone nowhere & this is his blog & as always subject to get ig'nint at the drop of a dime.
-----------------------------------------------------------
What’s in a name:

Check out this Black History fact on the Ras – “Tafari” – An religion